Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Reaching the big "O"

Ask and you shall receive!

Many of you wanted to advice on attaining orgasms...Particularly with self stimulation.

The fact is that this seems to be a common problem.  I know a lot of women that have never taken matters into their own hands.  I don't know how its possible for you to truly achieve a good level of comfort and satisfaction with a partner if you don't know how to satisfy yourself first.  Men learn at a young age about self stimulation and it doesn't have the stigma that a woman gets.  Women are often embarrassed and uncomfortable with diving in and finding out what exactly is it that you need.

I had this problem myself.  I was sexually active for around 2 years before I ever took matters into my own hands.  I had been with a lot of partners by then and had experienced some, at that time, what I considered good sex, but I had never had an orgasm.  I was in massage school and some girlfriends and I were talking about sex...I don't remember the exact conversation, but I had mentioned that I didn't think I had ever had an orgasm.  One of my good friends at the time was floored.  She demanded that I go home that night and immediately rectify the situation.  She told me to relax and use my hand and explore until I found something that felt good and keep doing it until I got to the point where I feel like I was going to explode and keep going past that point.

So I went home and I took her advice.  I push the uncomfortable thoughts away and went to the task of giving myself my first orgasm.  I had no toys, nothing special, just my hand and me.  I went at it for around an hour just exploring.  The feelings I got were amazing.  The hard to breathe, tight chest, flushed face, ringing in my ears, feeling like I going to explode was such a mass of overwhelming sensations I felt like I was going to pass out.  I didn't pass out, but my eyes did roll back in my head and my entire body shook like I was having a seizure.   It was one of the most spectacular experiences in my life.

Its been about 10 years since then I have tried all sorts of toys and different sorts of ways to masturbate.  My sex life improved immensely and I am so much more aware of my body's needs.  It makes me more confident and much better at expressing what I want with a partner as well.

The key to giving yourself orgasms and making them easier is to really get hands on.  There are many different types of toys and the selection can be overwhelming.  I suggest that if you want a toy you start with a simple bullet toy or a longer vibrator for thrusting (or both.)  What you need to do before you get into toys is to just touch yourself and find out where you like stimulation.  There are plenty of areas and many different types of sensations.

Set aside some time alone and, if it helps you relax, grab a glass of wine or put on some music.  They key is to get comfortable.  Don't be afraid to touch yourself all over not just going straight to business.  Romance yourself so to speak.  Touch your breasts, your legs, rub your hands over your skin.  Just get comfortable with touching yourself.

Take a while with this...Learn all your own little nuances.  Then when you find you something you enjoy the most keep at it.  Whether it is clit stimulation, g spot, or even a little anal stimulation, just don't be scared. 

Do it often (as often as your comfortable) and it will become like second nature to you.  Once you have a rhythm you can push your boundaries and try new things and find other things that are pleasurable for you.  The key is to get comfortable and get to know your body.  The better you know yourself the better your sex life will be.

And to the men...encourage your ladies to be comfortable with herself.  You will benefit ten-fold in the end if your lady knows how to please herself and what she wants.  It makes things much easier for you if shes comfortable with her body.  That comfort can lead to exploring fantasies and being more open to try new things.

Hope that was what you ladies were looking for.  I could probably go on longer, but that would just get boring...So get to touching yourselves
and happy masturbating!


  1. When me and my wife have sex I like her to have orgasmed at least twice before I penetrate her, usually via tonguing her. Mind you, she likes to bring herself off with a vibrator when I take her from behind. How orgasms do you women want?

  2. Good man! Your wife is a very luck lady that you take care of her so well. Its also nice that she takes care of herself too.

    I dont thing there is such thing as enough though. I prefer to be so spent my legs are shaky and I want to curl up and go to sleep. That seems to be a good stopping point.

  3. I stop when I'm dehdrated, too weak to continue, or pass out-hell sometimes a swift slap and I wake up ready for more. Too many, you say? Psshhh no such thing!

    I don't think you can have truly good sex until you know your body, inside and out, and what works for you. There is something so beautiful about masturbation.

  4. "sometimes a swift slap and I wake up ready for more"

    A woman after my own heart :) So funny Jewels.

  5. Thanks, I think I was the one who asked about this. My problem is that I get super close like right there but it hurts and I cannot no matter how many times I try to push through. Not sure if it's mental I'm guessing so or what it may be but more importantly how to over come it.

  6. Thank you for writing about this. I have heard some of this advice before, but you also said some things in a different way than what I've heard, which is helpful.

    I'm also glad that you said it took you about an hour the first time. I was beginning to wonder why it takes so long for me to do my experiments to see what I like! Maybe it's more normal than I thought.

  7. Jessica I would try a different position or a different motion. Then I would possibly try to push through it. It may be a psychological problem too. My orgasms are pretty painful sometimes, but I like that pleasure pain dynamic. I think that sometimes the sensation can be too overwhelming and when you should probably push yourself a little further you stop. I would try to push through and if that doesnt work I would possibly talk to a professional (like your ob or a sex therapist and they could probably help you out.) I hope this helps some and good luck.
    *sorry I took so long to respond*

    Deidra. Getting yourself to orgasm espically when your not used to it can take a while. So dont get frustrated of feel alone in that. There is a learning curve. Its perfectly normal.