Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Answers To All Your Pressing Questions

The time has finally come! I asked you all to submit questions last week in the blog Thats what he said! You know those silly things rolling around in your head that you wish you could ask a guy. Well I gathered them all up, cleaned them up a little bit and had my three man servants answer them to the best of their ability.
Now to meet the men........again...........*cue announcer man*

First we have "Heff Jr" he is a 27yr old college graduate who has no problem attracting the ladies. Heff Jr claims to have "dated", aka put his penis in, just about every type of girl out there. He is a self proclaimed recovering playboy.

Next we have "ClaireBear" he is a 22yr old  who went straight in to the work force after high school. He has a romantic attitude when it comes to relationships. Despite having limited experience with dating and intimacy he has a good view on what he wants and enjoys.

Finally we have a special appearance by FourHourSlave, who is a guy that enjoys porn ALOT! Check out his "stash" over at The Fourth Hour. He is one of our regular readers and offered his thoughts on a few of our questions.

1) A friend volunteered to be my friend with benefits, the first time we were to hook up he had some kind of emergency, the second time he forgot! Pissed me off and made the insecure girl in me freak out. I mean what kind of guy forgets pussy? 

HJ: No guy forgets pussy, my dear, especially sure-things. This "issue" falls into 1 of 2 categories: either he wasn't being serious when he agreed to it (which I doubt since 90% of guys are DTF), or he's saving you as his last resort for the nights he can't score with someone else.  He knows the setup with you is a no-strings-attached sort of deal, so he's not taking your feelings into account when he "forgets" your appointments. In his mind, fuck-buddies are 2nd string options. 

CB: This is more of a two part answer kind of question. The first time he either really had an emergency or the emergency was the girl he assigned his dick to before he assigned it to you. The second time he "forgot" he already got pussy from someone else and blew you off.

FHS: Unless your friend is honestly an idiot, I can promise you that he did not "forget" to score with you if, assuming you are pretty attractive, which I'm guessing you probably are :) On the contrary, I can almost guarantee you it was because of one of three things:

1. He's full of himself. A jackass, if you will.

2. He's trying to come up with some sort of "scheme" to get you to like him better, and is not doing a very good job of it. A lot of girls (not necessarily all) tend to like guys who are more emotionally distant because it creates a stronger sense of intrigue. Some guys like to play that to their advantage, and if that scenario is what is happening in your case, then either you don't like that trait in a man, or quite frankly, he sucks at using that as a tactic to get you to like him.

3. He might like you more than you think, and therefore might be nervous or even afraid to initiate having sex with you. It sounds like you initiated the sex last week, which is probably why it happened, if this is the case. It could also be that he was trying to see if you would still pursue him after ditching you, which you did, in which case his plan succeeded.

2) So my question is what is up with men? You want sex all the time then when you can get it your all meh!!!!???? 

HJ: To answer your first question, we're EXACTLY like women... but different. =) The difference is the reasons why we do the things we do.

Yes, your phrase "[guys] want sex all the time" is correct, however, you didn't finish the statement. Guys want sex all the time [with as many different women as possible]. Women feel it too; however women are less inclined to actively pursue it, and instead take a more “let it come to me” stance.

Look at the animal world. The males all want to mate A LOT. The females only want to mate with the most-suited males (since you get to do all the heavy lifting with pregnancy, why not make it worth the trouble). The females empower the males by allowing them to mate. That’s why Alpha Males tend to be the biggest, strongest, and best hunters in the herd. It’s also why men feel the need to impress women.

On a genetic level, the need for more partners is a deeply ingrained genetic push to produce as many viable offspring as possible felt by both male and female.

With humans, the difference is in why men and women do the things we do. Like women, men are searching for “the perfect mate to make viable offspring”, however, the way we go about it is physical in nature, i.e.: the more girls we fuck, the higher the likelihood of finding someone we mesh with. This is diametrically opposed to women’s search method, which is primarily on a social level, i.e.: how he dresses, acts, how much money he makes, who he knows, ect.

CB: Well I don't take things for granted. When it happens I'm gonna cuddle afterword to make it all romantic like. But maybe other men are just I want a sandwich and I'm tired. Maybe you're dealing with too many men who have had so much sex it doesn't matter anymore.

2) Do you really need to scratch your balls THAT much? Or is it just a nice distraction when you are bored?

HJ: It’s a combination of sweat, and the fact that our reproductive organs hang from between our legs. While we walk, if our junk isn’t adjusted correctly, it could potentially be disastrous.
That being said, there’s also a social side to it. There’s a time and a place for everything, and some guys either don’t get that, or don’t care that, women don’t want to see that shit.  

CB: I rarely feel the need to scratch my balls unless they're sweaty from the heat. Maybe the ones who scratch so much have crabs or bad skin.

3) Say you've been married nearly 10 years (married as a teenager) and your wife has always been reserved, would you welcome a change that spices things up? 

HJ: Talking to your partner about ways to keep things interesting is, by FAR, the best thing you could ever do for your sex life. If things are becoming routine, I don’t see how trying something different could be a bad thing, as long as both sides are comfortable with what’s agreed upon.

I know someone who got bored with their sexual relationship after several years of marriage. They brought it up to their spouse and, after a few glasses of wine, they began telling each other they’re sexual fantasies. They now take turns try one fantasy out per week, and see where it goes. This may not work for you, per say, depending on how out-of-the-blue it is. I would say start out VERY slow and then gradually work up to the bigger stuff.

CB: I would be so in for it. Maybe a threesome or some toys or different positions and what not.

4)  Would it freak you out to find out she (your wife) started a blog like mine? ;) (Keep in mind I don't go giving a ton of details about our sex life, but it is a sex blog. Reviews and thoughts) My husband isn't complaining about my wild side, but I'm not sure I want to tell him about the blog...though it would be fun for him to know about it and help select items for posting about. 

HJ: I would say keep your blog yours. I’m assuming it’s anonymous and you aren’t carrying on relationship with your followers that you can’t tell your husband about. If you are, well, that’s a whole different story…

I’m an opponent of censorship and I fear that if he found out about blog your, he would begin to follow it, making you more inclined to not post certain things. Keep it anonymous, and keep it yours.

CB: I would be surprised at first but I'd be open minded and share my thoughts and views and that would most likely make the relationship better and have more fire.

5) When I ask the man if he has any fantasies, he says NO. Really? Is that even possible? I would be willing to try absolutely anything he wanted and told him as much, and he still said he couldn't think of anything.  

HJ: Ok, so either he is James Bond, or he’s not being completely honest with you.

There could be any number of reasons for this: his fantasies may not fit into social norms, i.e.: weird sex, like peeing into your mouth. His fantasies may also go against his social persona, like cheating on you. They could be homosexual in nature, or even illegal like pedophilia. Since he isn’t actively pursuing any of these with you, or giving off red flags by doing it behind your back, I would advise this: some things are better off left buried.

CB: I can think of sooooo many different fantasies that I would love to act out and so many things I would like to try. I mean...the imagination of sex is limitless!

4)  This guy finds me attractive, yes he did volunteer as a FWB, also looks at my boobs all the time and really like to take pics of my clit emphasizing that I have a really big clit, um thanks?! Not sure what I should do. I mean we've had sex(once) now can I expect it regularly? Should I booty call or back off if he's acting odd? Grrr don't know what to do why can't we simply have sex like normal people?!   

HJ: I <3 BEWBAGE. If you’ve read this far, I’m assuming you’ve already read through my answer to question one. It sounds to me like you’re almost interested in more than just nailing this guy. You wouldn’t seem so caught up in the bullshit surrounding this guy if he was just a random booty call. I’m not saying you’re interested in dating him, I’m just saying that having regular sex with him seems really important to you.

People act completely different when sex is involved. It’s a fact of life.  

Boot calls are booty calls because there’s no relationship beyond sex, and you care about the person beyond sexual gratification. This is why friends-with-benefits usually end with having less friends.

If you don’t feel like the situation is working well, end it. You’re a girl. You can easily find 100 other willing guys.

CB: Get out with it and just have sex like normal people. Sounds like you're over complicating sex. I mean you take a dick and you take a pussy and what do you get when you put them together? Hopefully sex because I'm not sure how you can fuck that up so much that it doesn't turn into sex.

5) What goes on in the head of a guy who can say no to a chick who's willing to give him some?  

HJ: I can/already am bang someone who: __________________.

A)    is more attractive.
B)    has less baggage.
C)    is less irritating.
D)    smells better.
E)     doesn’t have shitty friends.
F)     isn’t obsessed with ______. (Twilight)
G)    doesn’t live her life by Cosmo.
H)    has her own job/car/money.
I)       makes me feel important.
J)       isn’t jealous/bitchy/controlling.
K)    isn’t fucking 5 other dudes (maybe even my friends).

CB: If a chick I knew just asked me "hey let's get it on" I'd be like oh I respect you less now cause you're a whore. So I'd say no and come up with a nice way of saying I'd rather she kept her dignity by not becoming a slut and losing all respect I have for her. Instead, if she wanted to develop a relationship and then go for it, sure that's fine. Otherwise, it's probably just a self conscious thing. Looks, personality, and brains are things I personally look for. Though I'm not shallow and looks don't really matter to me as much.

6) I have a hard time cumming, he knows this. Could it be that he's worried about pleasing me? Plus he's all about blow jobs which I'm not sure if it's him trying to not have to deal with me being hard to make cum or just a guy being a guy, not that I have a problem with blow jobs him I actually really enjoyed doing that with. I am nervous around him self conscious really is he picking that up? He's the first guy I've been with who I can honestly say I'm very physically attracted to.  

HJ: Believe me, you’re not the only girl out there who has a hard time climaxing. However, you’re problem may be registering in his mind as him being inadequate, and no amount of explaining it away as will work.

Blowies? Hell yeah, I like getting them too. Cumming is all about preference: everyone prefers getting off in a specific way/position/surrounding. If that works for him, start giving him the best BJs of his life.

For you specifically, all I can say is this: Reread my answer to question 3 and discover what “gets you” sexually. Then, grab your boyfriend, pretend he’s Tom Cruise, and watch the video below.

Work with him to figure out what works for you.

CB: Love, if that's what this is, is about balance. You give him a blowjob, he goes down on you or does whatever he can to get you to come. Make a game out of it. Find the thing that makes you so horny you cum. Could be a fetish, a game, or any old thing. Just make sure he knows what you want.  You know what gets him off, help him find what gets you off.

7) Are guys bothered by stretch marks, pooches and other shit girls are insecure about? 

HJ: Yes. They say beauty is skin-deep, but beauty is also in the eye of the beholder. Think of your body as your cover letter to your personality’s resume. Do you pass the 30 second test? You know where your wholes lie, so you can make lemonade, try and fix it, or meet someone who doesn’t care.

You can lose weight; it requires a little self control. Stretch marks are much harder to lose; you may have to get creative. Insecurity is directly related to these things and will rise and fall with how happy you are with yourself.

CB: Stretchmarks are gross but can be tolerated depending on how severe. Pooches can be sexy in my opinion but it depends on the girl.   Pooches can be sexy as hell on some girls. My last girlfriend was taller than me. I hate cellulite (cottage cheese legs). I can't stand fucked up titties and asses. I hate caveman eyebrows on women just makes you look like a man. Huge ass noses bother me. Acne bothers the hell out of me because they sell over the counter shit to take care of it. Vagina hair doesn't bother me as long as it's not a fuckin jungle in there. If I wanted to fuck a giant patch of fur I'd try bestiality!

FHS: This question is a little hard to answer since every guy is different, and some guys pride themselves on having super-high standards, while others would fuck ANYTHING with a vagina :) But I can tell you that generally, guys are a lot less bothered by minor imperfections than girls are, and want to get it on anyway. When its on your own body, its going to seem worse than it is. Stretch marks might depend on how severe the stretches are. Pooches, well, some guys actually prefer that to super-skinny! It all depends on who the guy is though.

8) Do guys just want a girl to be all I'm horny lets fuck even if she hasn't shaved her pits in months? Just wondering how bothered guys are about these things or do we worry for no reason?

HJ: Eww, no, please shower and shave first. I don’t mind a week of growth, but months? There are things even guys won’t stick their penises in.

Please read the first paragraph of my answer to question 9.

CB: Stay away from me if you're pits aren't shaved. 1. I don't fuck hippies 2. This isn't fucking France so stop acting like it. I'm not trying to sound harsh but GROOMING and HYGIENE are there for a reason.

FHS: Not shaving the armpits (or legs) is probably a bad idea to be honest though. Most guys definitely don't like that!

9) What is the "perfect butt?" 

HJ: Oddly enough, a nice butt on girls has as much to do with the thighs and waist as it does with the butt itself. A nice ass is a lot like tasting a fine wine: it has a favorable beginning, a full-bodied middle, and a nice finish.

CB: Picture an upside down heart and then put panties on it and turn it into an ass, then plump it up slightly. BAM! Perfection.

10) Do you really care what we wear? (Everyday and lingerie) Also what is one fashion trend that you hate to see women in?

HJ: Yes, we do care… to a point.

We want you to look good, but also know that you are a representation of us. What you wear things that represents our personalities as much as yours. It way you’ll get a strange look from your guy when you put on something that’s totally different than what you normally wear. However, the finer points of fashion will always be lost to us.

Fashion Faux Pas:

-          A-Symmetrical Tops, aka togas. Tarzan didn’t have a choice in what he could wear.

-          Huge Sunglass (including aviators). You’re the most pretentious asshats out there.

-          Stenciled Eyebrows. I dislike clowns.

-          Chick Fedoras, especially the straw ones. You’re wearing a Fedora. A Fedora.  

-          A girl who dresses like a Pirate on our first date. Don’t ask.

-          This new fashion craze with Tutus.

-          Girl Whity-Tighties. You remind me of little boys. Not attractive.

CB: Sometimes women wear stuff that they think guys will find attractive but sometimes it's like "uhh those pants make your ass look all lopsided and shit" or "that bra makes one of your tits higher than the other" or makes them sag or whatever, but yeah it matters. Like when girls try to pull their pants way up it makes your asses look all fucked up and unattractive. We want to see your shapes and curves not your pants disappearing into your ass. Stop being so self-conscious.

Well that is all I have for you guys this time. Hope you had a good time reading what the mens have to say.


  1. I'm one of your man servants? Woohoo!


    This blog is cool. I like putting my more intricate thoughts out there once and awhile instead of just talking about who I want to fuck (even though that is really fun)! I'm happy to answer more.

  2. lmao thanks guys for that. I do realize that I over did it with the questions but that idiot was pissing me off. Moving on however, he can get sexy time from someone else now. Other questions were just to see how bad guys want it. I guess not as much as I though they did fascinating. I was thinking any time any place with anything. Apparently not.

  3. Lol these were funny, I didn't agree completely with everything they were saying, but amused none the less.

    Fyi, next time I'll gladly answer some questions.

  4. Oh heavens no - guys DO want it that bad (or at least I do). Any time any place with anything (well, almost anything) sounds pretty accurate, actually. Its not always the case, but more often than not, it totally is. I originally just meant to infer that him not sexing you could have been for a variety of reasons such as ego, fear, etc. Without any inhibitions, guys definitely want pussy. I didn't mean to give the wrong impression. :) Though I suppose there are always exceptions!

    - 4