Saturday, June 25, 2011


I know this is a little off theme but have any of you ever gone to Panera and ordered a smoothie??
Yesterday I did for the very first time. Smoothie was good, straw disturbed me a little bit. I mean LOOK at that thing. It's like the size of two of my fingers put together. I took one sip, looked directly and Brandi and said "I feel like I am sucking a small penis" To which she laughed and made the "POP" noise at me every time I took a drink after that.

I decided that I should write a little note to the Panera Co. (Not actually going to send it but you can read it for kicks and giggles)

Dear Sir or Madam,
            I am writing concerning the straws you have for your smoothies. Have you ever tried to sip out of one of these? I feel almost indecent while using this. I understand that it is a food item and there for I can't really ask that the straw in question buy me dinner before I put my mouth on it, however on any other occasion I would have. This large straw greatly reminds me of a small penis. My mouth even gets a cramp in it from the strenuous sucking I must do to enjoy my drink. Thankfully the drink is sweet and enjoyable once it gets to my mouth. The least that could be done is make the straw in question a little larger so at least I don't feel like it is a pity suck, give me something of substance to put my lips around.


I might tweak it a bit but you get the idea. Till next time


  1. Haha Too funny. I have never had one but a friend of mine did and you are is a GIANT straw. Love the letter!

  2. lol, my sister had one of these type of straws. Thy're awesome. Never thought of them as a mini penis though, but now, oh now I will. LOL.

  3. I will never look at my Iced Caramel the same way again... but I'm going to be drinking it anyways...i'll just giggle while I do it!

  4. I assure you all that it was pretty lewd when you actually thought about it. I really couldnt put my mouth around the straw without laughing.

    Then there was more awesomeness with an old man in some really short booty shorts. Good times